Hello intrepid readers! That is, if you had anything to read. Goddess, it’s been so long since I blogged. I apologize. I’ve been learning a lot about publishing here behind the scenes. It’s very interesting to watch my Spinstress book hatch from the eerie and oddly populated attic of my imagination into a real creature which has had the hands of many talented people upon it.
Now that my book is in the hands of the publishers, my job is more about introducing myself to the readers in the broader Llewellyn community. There’s a thing with writers where we can spend months or years working on a beloved project, polishing every word like a gem. Then, you ask us what the project is about and we shrug and say, “Oh, you know. Things.” So, yay! I’m going to practice on you! Thanks in advance.
Really, it’s not bad. I’ve been working on some blogs, podcast interview questions, short articles for in-house journals, and similar. It’s an exciting and interesting process, as is the process of fitting it into my busy days! But I love writing and so far I love publishing, too. Seeing the galleys and what the book will actually look like has been great. If you love work, I guess it isn’t work anymore. Mostly. But it still requires the budgeting of time.
In addition to book publicity I can announce that SageWoman Magazine is planning to switch my long-standing column on women and animals/nature (Child of Artemis) into a regular column more in keeping with the Spinstress book. Anne Niven, editor of SageWoman and Witches & Pagans, has provided a nice review (“blurb”) of my book for the cover and for the amazon page.
I don’t know what my new column will be titled but I have been working on ideas to give it that Spinstress vibe. It’ll be fun. I’m thinking self-esteem, glamour magick, sexual empowerment, feminism, history and general eccentric weirdness. The usual. But first, I feel like delving a bit more into said vibe for my regular supporters so you can know, at least as much as I do, what on earth I was thinking when I wrote a book on this theme.
Of course, the title “Spinstress” is detailed in the book. I sort of found it unintentionally. Mostly because the old concept of a “spinster” pissed me off sufficiently to make me want to put a ruby-slippered foot well up the ass of that particular stereotype. I think this whole wacky thing started because someone donated an “old maid” card deck to the domestic violence program where I work and I found it in the break room of my office one day. That particular set of cards had…a little accident…shortly thereafter, finding it’s way directly into the trash. Maybe.
Anyhow, the “vintage” images being reprinted and called “whimsical” really boiled my tea. Of all places to leave a game that pokes fun at women who, for whatever reason, are currently or never identifiably attached to a male partner. I’m sure whoever donated it just didn’t even stop to think what the game was about.
But, this very thing is what drew my attention first to the deeply ingrained ideas about women that a game like this reflects. It denigrates women who earn their own money and otherwise assert enough autonomy to be single for some or all of their lives. Even if violence is one of the circumstances they are trying to leave behind, the cultural baggage is insidiously covert and also unrelenting. Commercials, cosmetics, churches, friends, coworkers, relatives…all too often casually reflect the idea that women who are single, at least for “too long,” have something to be ashamed about. I can say from loads of personal and professional experience that it leaves some women more willing to be with an abusive partner rather than face the terrifying specter of living for any length of time with none at all. This fear also sometimes makes women I work with more vulnerable to new predators if they recently did become single. My personal and professional opinion on all this shit is….
Hell, no.
That doesn’t work. Oh, while we’re on the topic of women, I chose to write this book using the spelling “womxyn.” I did so in order to open a door for anyone choosing to identify as such. It is still a book about womxyn and girls but I hoped to bend the binary a little more than is usually done in Neo-pagan/witchcraft books. That’s really all there is to the alternative spelling.
The idea of reclaiming a culturally negative term is not new to witches or pagans since both of those terms have been reclaimed from the stereotypes of immorality, human and animal sacrifice, and various other forms of social or moral criminality.
Those of us who practice some magickal tradition, maybe under the umbrella of contemporary Neo-paganism, are very used to reclaiming terms that were once used to denigrate us. “Witch” is a perfect example. That moniker would have gotten you killed through most of western history and will still do so in vast regions of the globe. Yet, it came to be a term representing religious freedom and a return to nature-based religions in around the 1960s. That seems to have been thanks to the popular writing that emerged from England after their anti-witchcraft laws were repealed in the forties.
As modern women began looking for religious traditions and beliefs that reflected both female equality and female power, feminism found witchcraft and the goddess during this same era. Witchy foremothers like Shekhinah Mountainwater, Starhawk, and Zsusanna (Z) Budapest built traditions of queer witchcraft, feminist witchcraft, and overtly political witchcraft that reclaimed both girl power and some of the best aspects of that old-time religion.
Many other words have been reclaimed by certain marginalized groups. “Bitch” is another one that I do use (both to celebrate and critique it) periodically in my book. Obviously not all members of any social cohort are all going to feel the same way about anything, including these words. In other words, some Neo-pagans or practitioners of feminist magical traditions dislike the term “witch” just as some modern womxyn find “bitch” disrespectful or offensive. Yet, pushing change onto these types of words does indeed seem to push change on the culture that uses them (often with lots of drama and blow-back along the way). Other words that have been reclaimed in this way by some members of oppressed groups (and definitely not by all) include “queer” (LGBTQ) or the infamous N-word used against African Americans, that still holds such a negative charge that I won’t even put it in print.
This take-back of words that were once tools of oppressors has multiple functions. It helps to remove that verbal weapon from the arsenal of haters. It can often help with the healing of the marginalized folk in question, and it stirs up heat on social discourse around changing old cultural tropes.
Okay, are we there yet? Yes. Here is the word I am reclaiming (or at least re-vamping…oooh, I like that. I’m definitely re-vamping.) in my magickal book. Spinster. I originally got the idea from Mary Daly in “Beyond God the Father.” She mentioned in that book and a couple of her others that “spinster” was actually a term connoting great arcane religious power. The goddesses found in several cultures who would “weave” the world we live in and our own lives were, you guessed it, literal spinsters. Daly alleged that the mythological and magickal power of the spinster archetype for women was another reason that this useful human profession became so culturally reviled. The goddess fates wove the destiny of humankind and the fabric of earth herself. Even amongst we mortals, the spinster was a self-sufficient, skilled, necessary individual with the power to turn raw materials into something we badly need…yeah. That had to go.
So, we’ve covered the bad old images but there are cool ones as well. In this project I take the approach that most of us are single for parts of our lives, if not all of them. This is great as long as we are in our authentic and powerful sense of self. Due to cultural and personal pressures not to be identified as single, we may actually find that we are afraid to relax and enjoy those portions of our lives. Even worse, we may return to a bad relationship or choose another not-great one in order to avoid that distinction. This is a shame because the very thing that can make us better and more successful in our relationships is the self-concept we build at all times, including when we are single.
I point this out in the book by showcasing the wonderful things womxyn in history accomplished while they were single. Some for a brief period and some for a lifetime. I discuss the brilliant theology, healing arts and music of Hildegard of Bingen. The humanitarianism and global politics of Mother Theresa. The massive star power of Greta Garbo. The brassy “on my own terms” sexual chemistry of Mae West (who actually hid her marriage for years because she thought being single worked better for her stage persona). The personal and social bravery of transgender artist Einar Wegener/Lili Elbe.
This long-winded intro to the contrary, the book itself isn’t a his-story lesson. The chapters include topics that I hope will help womxyn (or the womxyn and girls in the readers lives) to enhance their empowerment along with their power. The book works a craft (spinstress craft) that includes self-esteem, glamor magick (glamoury), sex magick, making up, breaking up, metaphysical self-defense, financial independence, child-rearing, activism, creativity, professional ambition, ancestor magick, divination, and general witchcraft badassery.
Yes, as you can see from topics like sex magick and child rearing, there are men and boys in this book. The object of the material isn’t to “hate men,” as is so often associated with spinsters in the first place. The idea of the materials is to assert personal autonomy both in and out of other types of relationships. And the sex magick chapter is, frankly, hot.
I’ve got a catalog of toys and tricks, including and expose of similar items going back through human history. I’ve got magick spells and meditations to be done solo or partnered. I’ve got book and website recommendations to find way, way more. Believe me, if you partner with a female-identified type person, you want her to have this book. I assert the following and you can do the research yourself…better relationships and better sex are found with independent and empowered womxyn.
Speaking of the sex magick found in this book, it can be done partnered or solo. Yeah, I said it. Self-partnering. You don’t need a partner for sex. The sooner all sexually active humans realize this, the better our world will be. Even within relationships, I feel people own a certain obligation to see to their own sexual needs (and this can be done without seeking partners outside the relationship if that’s the agreement everyone has). I have certainly seen every flavor of interpersonal carnage when this personal, sexual accountability is not the standard. Yet partly because we’re all frankly prudes when it comes to healthy sexuality, we never ever talk about this. Handing out condoms at social service agencies is great but at least a bunch of us should probably also be handing out stuff like latex lube (since oil ones destroy condoms) and vibrators. Just sayin.
Again referencing my day-job, I am sick to death of womxyn being treated as if our sexuality is some sort of devastating weapon that we as individuals are not competent to wield without oversight. I mean, it’s kind of the oldest story in the book. Who is keeping track of us so we don’t destroy civilization or allow humankind to go extinct?! Are we married soon enough? Long enough? Faithfully enough? Too many kids? Not enough? Do we partner with the right people? Are we “choosing” bad partners over our other female obligations or relationships? Are we destroying the social fabric, god’s laws or sundry other essentials by being either too sexual or not sexual enough? Inquiring minds want to know. Constantly.
Back to sex magick, spinstress style. This book will give you tons of resources to claim the sex life you want while being independent and true to yourself. Whether it’s about birth-control, toys, orientation and lifestyle, kinks and/or commitment can we please own our bodies and really decide how to live in them for effing Aphrodite’s sake?!
In the chapters detailing beauty and glamor (glamour magick), we play with all sorts of rituals and techniques to build our self-esteem. This is not fluff. Claiming your self-esteem is the same as claiming your self. Your power. Without a positive self-concept, you’re liable to have unreliable or unsatisfying magickal results (as well as life events).
The magick in the glam section isn’t all about being femme either. As Dietrich proved, it’s about being proud of yourself and allowing your own personal style glow. A lot of self-concept work, bound up with glamour magick, is to me about defeating personal fears.
Why live (or do magick) like an appliance running on corroded, sketchy batteries when you could plug yourself directly into the source? Positive self-concept is the source. It leads out into everything. It is not extra-credit. It matters.
In the glam chapters of the book I profile several wonderful divas from history including Hedy Lamarr, a classical Hollywood starlet (used as the original model for animated tropes like Snow White and Cat Woman). Far from a spinster (married six times), Hedy provides a great example of a woman who was single when it suited her, and always lived by her own rules.
As her side-hustle Hedy, just messing around, also invented the technology behind wireless, GPS, and blue tooth tech. Calling it radio “frequency hopping” she knew it could be used to interrupt or intercept enemy transmissions. I’m not even kidding a little.
To say she was a genius is an understatement. To say she was gorgeous would be an understatement too. Talk about beauty and brains. She invented many things as a “hobby,” and she donated the plans explaining this idea to the U.S. in order to help us win World War II. As the extra kicker she was an immigrant (Austrian, due to fleeing domestic violence) and yet lost her patent to the technology because of this act of patriotism.
I should note that the sections of the book typically reserved for the “mother phase” of the goddess do definitely go into parenting (for Q+ families as well), but hold space for womxyn not raising children due to circumstances including but not limited to personal choice. Alternative aspects to mothering like artistic creativity and social activism are discussed as aspects of the “mothering energy” as well.
The portions of the book dedicated to crone/elder energies deal with ancestor magick, grave-tending, collecting and working with consecrated (graveyard) earth, and many of the more typically witchy endeavors we associate with a book of this type. Also included here, however, are rituals and suggestions for owning our power and expertise in matters of career as well as family and magick.
Okay! So, thanks for warming me up for all this publicity I’m supposed to be working on! I’m always looking to hatch some new ideas.
The actual book drops in July! In the meantime do something magickal. Befriend a wild creature, invent a new technology or work on your burlesque struts. I’ll try to write more soon!
